While Extreme Ownership is a great book to build confidence in a masculine way, Courage,by Debbie Ford, is its equivalent for the feminine side of it.

Indeed while the former is all about discipline, strategy and order, this one is about accepting, feeling and going beyond our ego-sense.

To me, both are important to develop.

Though this book was written to women, as a man it works very well too, except when she advises to dress up with our best bra and put mascara:)

Here are a few quotes from the book and some of my thoughts.

Courage. Overcoming Fear & Igniting Self-Confidence. Debbie Ford

Transformation

“As you move into the ownership phase, you will begin to take responsibility for all that you’ve been and all that you bring”.

Note: Same message that Jocko Willink, the Navy Seal, said in a less military style!

Divine Confidence

“True confidence, divine confidence, comes from the deep knowing that we are spiritual beings, whole beings, human beings who are mysteriously and magnificently part of the One, and not separate at all.”

Yep. One of the things most of us tend to either ignore or forget…

“When we are rooted in divine confidence, the events and circonstances of our lives make perfect sense.”

The Courageous Love Warrior

A sentence worth reading again and again: “The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are-without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”

And this one, pretty cool: “A warrior’s courage is your lifeline to freedom. Can you imagine being so confident that you feel free to just be who you are?

Free to be authentic and straight and to show yourself completely in every moment? Free to be vulnerable and free to be bold? Free to expose all aspects of yourself, even the not-so-charming parts?

Freedom reigns when you don’t have to put on airs or hide your true thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Freedom reigns when you can speak your gifts out loud and stand up for your greatness and your greatest truth. Freedom reigns when you embrace the courageous warrior that lives inside of you.”

Advice: “In order to access a warrior’s courage, we must explore why we are so committed to our story and what we are afraid will happen if we give it up.”

The Code Of Surrender

Part of building this kind of confidence is to let go. This is a daunting task for most of us, and worth exploring too!

“…it is impossible to feel good about ourselves when the fear that we’re going to lose control is running us.”

Another cool one: “I Ching says:

It is only when you have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognised.

“I promise you that as you surrender and let go of what you’ve been holding on to, new people, inspiring people who see your greatness, will show up in your life.”

Or this following one, simple and pam!

Lao-Tzu:

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Exercises to consider to let go:

What are you not accepting in your life
What does the Voice of Control say to you
What does the Voice of Surrender say to you

The Code of emotional Freedom

To experience emotional freedom, we must accept, surrender, and let go our wounds. We must be willing to take responsibility for what we re holding on to, which is usually a hurt or pain from the last that leave us victimized.

About being right or wrong: Let go of “I’m right, “you’re wrong”, “I’m good” or “you’re bad” so that we can stand firmly in our power. It calls on us to take responsibility for our lives and then, with grace and ease, to let go of our excuses, reasons, justifications and righteousness.

Something to recognize: We must accept that if we have an emotionally based behavior pattern that we don’t own up or can’t see, we will repeat the pattern.

Exercises for the emotional freedom process:

Acknowledging your inner victim. Make a list situations where you’re blaming, holding on to anger, and feeling like a victim
Your biggest blockage
Claiming your part in the drama. Your role, your choice. Make a commitment not to blame.
Finding the gifts: How can I learn from this? What is the message I need to hear? What is the gift that this experience holds for me?
Take an action that support you in letting go.

Go deeper: Courage Activator

Say “NO” to at least 3 people who make a request of you, and affirm to yourself it’s perfectly safe to say no. […] No is your friend!

Please email me if you dare to do this and share the result of this experience, I bet you’ll grow a lot from this!

The big one: Confidence Builder

Get out in the world and get rejected 3 times.

Purposely make requests that you’re sure will get turned down (ask a chef to come to your house to cook, someone who has difficulty with giving money to give you 50,000 usd for 4 months…!

The Code of Inspired Vision

A very famous quote, for good reason, with a fantastic punch line, by W.H. Murray.

Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.

Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the Providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no person could have dreamt would come their way.

Whatever you can do, or you can dream, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

Suggested Exercises for the inspired Vision process:

Your divine purpose: Ask the Divine to show you how it wants to use you for the good of all. Even if you think you already know what this is, allow yourself to see and know your purpose through the eyes of your warrior.
Calling on the power of your imagination: Allow yourself to see a vision of your future in which you’re passionately living your purpose and and exuding profound courage and confidence.
Your divine resources: Make a list of tha actions you would take, the people {..} and the resources you would need.
Acknowledging your fear: Make a list of the fears you have about living your divine Vision. Send love to this part of you.
Presence of your Vision every day

A classic, always worth considering: Courage Activator:

Take a risk by doing something that you’ve been scared to do or about which you’ve said, “I will never do that” because you’re so fearful. (jump, karaoke, color hair…?)

I never heard of this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

Who you are speak so loud I can’t hear what you’re saying.

An idea: Making a playlist of songs that remind you of your strength, your power, your courage and your confidence.

Another one: Confidence builder

Go out in public looking like a complete mess and pretend you’re the most beautiful [person] in the world. Allow your whole body to be radiantly alive and vibrating with divine confidence.

Add in the challenge of imagining that you are naked when you go out. Studies show that you walk with more poise, have better posture, hold your stomach in, stand taller and are overall more aware of your body when you imagine this.