Life Coach vs Therapist: Going from Mental Struggle to a Liberated Mind

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” Brad Metzer

Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant had the same one. 

Michael Phelps had one.

Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles made the news recently and they apparently need one.  

And I certainly have used many of them!

Who is this “one” I’m talking about? 

He or she is the person who helps you right now going from struggle to a liberated mind, and, ultimately, peak performance!

What about you? 

If you aim to achieve the best that you can in your field, someone to also help your mind is essential. 

Technical, strategical or physical coaches are not enough as we hit walls that block our improvements.

Whether we like it or not, competition and life in general are good at giving us some great challenges, especially these days with our current world collapsing.

Which means that if we want to thrive, each of us need to grow and build a dream team around us, otherwise we pay the price. 

Self-Sabotage Champions

Don’t tell me you’ve never had  confusion, doubts, fears and (accumulated) frustrations. If you do, you either lie to yourself or you’re a very advanced human being!

You also have habits, many of them created as far as in your early childhood. Some are still useful. Some might need to be revisited.

For instance, on the tennis court you might have the habit of blaming someone else, breaking rackets or yelling when you don’t get what you want. 

As an adult, mature and self reliable person, you might want instead to learn and find solutions by yourself. 

It doesn’t mean you are not allowed to be emotional, we all are, it just means that crying will no longer bring your mother to fix the issue. 

In short, it’s called taking full responsibility, something our society doesn’t show much nowadays.

Anyway, the opposite of taking responsibility could be considered self-sabotage. 

If you don’t address these parts inside that bother you, then when emotions during competition come up you will do  things that don’t make much sense, like giving up, cheating or throwing a tantrum. 

Coaching tip: it’s rarely a good way to win!

Said more directly: until you have found a way to realign yourself so that you are at ease under pressure, you even enjoy being in the midst or the battle, then you have no chance to be at the top of your game! 

And this, despite all your efforts, on the tennis court, the gym, in your specific field or in the game of life…

Fortunately there are solutions. Let’s explore.

Battle between your Conscious & Unconscious Minds

I have accompanied many tennis players and a few other aspiring top athletes along the years. 

Some examples of mental struggles you could face: 

• Consciously you do want to become a top player —> Unconsciously you might do it because it pleases your parents, you were naturally good at it when you started, or because it brings a positive external attention on you.

• Consciously you are accumulating the hours at the gym and becoming a machine! —> Unconsciously you don’t believe you can do it and so you build stamina and muscles to compensate the fact you don’t know how to handle pressure.

• Consciously you encourage yourself, you do what’s “right” like going to bed early, eating healthy and stretch every day —> unconsciously there is a voice inside of you, in the midst of the most heated battles who whispers: “hey you, yes, you, you know what, you’re worthless…you’re so bad and you will never make it”. 

• Consciously you understand what’s going on in your mind, maybe having worked with a coach, —> unconsciously you sabotage yourself, going to the addictions like video games-social media-alcohol-marijuana-porn. 

Of course, what’s going on on the tennis court also manifests it other places in your life: money, work, intimate relationships, any form of success, whatever this means for you. 

And as you can guess from the examples above, if there’s a battle within, then the unconscious mind, soon or later, will win. 

What you and I need to remember: the unconscious mind is running the show, no matter how much willpower we have!

Can You Get a Liberated Mind by yourself?

Even if you meditate every day and become very sensitive to your inner conflicts, there is a high probability you won’t be able to change by yourself. 

Why? 

You and I love our comfort zones!

Very few people have the courage to consciously start their personal development journey…until a big crash does happen in your life, like a big disease, a divorce, a death, in short something shocking. 

Personally, the moment I transformed the most was at the end of 2017 when I landed in Hong Kong, no more girl friend, no money, no  fulfilling job, no real friends around me and feeling devastated. 

The day after I took anti depressants, I made the conscious choice I was not going to follow the drug route, I was going to tackle this thing and finding some help that makes sense for me. 

I called Diane, who I barely knew at that time and felt she could listen to me. 

I took a first appointment with Shannon, on top of my life coach Sophie. 

I chose to meditate 4-6 hours every day because when I was not I was feeling horrible (funny thing what pain can do) and didn’t want to depend on pills. 

And then I decided to write my first book, Ta Réelle Victoire (Your Real Victory, only available in French) so at least “I would have done something positive with my life”. 

It took me a level of pain I never felt before to finally have the courage to take charge and, well, change.

The comfort zone was so incredibly painful that finally I made the leap.

The resistance to “see someone”

“I’m not crazy! I don’t need to see a psychologist and talk about all my problems!”

You might also not be at ease talking with strangers about intimate turmoils (good news: you don’t need to. See the list below).

Or you might think you cannot change, you are special, this is it, game over. Been there done that, this is the resistance talking to you.

These are examples of resistance, typically with the 4 mourning stages: 

• denial (“I don’t need to see someone”)
• negotiation (if I win this match, it means I’m fine), 
• anger 
• sadness 

Finally, at some point, with enough pain, you might become ready to accept the situation and yes my friend, it would be a good idea to seek support.

About the following list

This is the moment to introduce to you a list of amazing people who can help you, with their specialties. 

I have ranked them in this manner: 

1: Skin in the game: I only refer to people and techniques I have experienced. You’ll learn some of my secrets this way. 

As you will see, I have a lot of experience in this arena. At the core, I’m a very sensitive person, adventurous and curious, a combination that made me grow, become confident and (mostly) in harmony with myself. I wish you to find the same!

2: Rational to Energetic: I have also ranked them from the most action-conscious mind to the most spiritual-unconscious mind oriented.

#1: Life Coach, NLP Coach:

Conscious mind 8, unconscious mind 2

I hired 3 coaches of this kind. All have helped me to:

• clarify what I really want. Actually, the first time someone asked me this simple question, I won 5 tournaments in a row, being more clear than ever about my game and how to enjoy playing with my strengths. I later also get clear about the kind of coaching I wanted to develop (business, relationship, sport, fitness, tennis, yoga, I had many questions to answer!)
• make difficult choices: I had a coach who helped me when I decided to leave France to move to Hong Kong. Best and most challenging moments of my life, by far!
• live outside my comfort zone: at some point I wanted to explore having several girlfriends at the same time, also called polyamory. While this could seem fun, it’s also requires extraordinary communication skills, and the ability to remain full of integrity. I also had coaches who pushed me to build seminars, online presence, and many other things that I never did before.
• challenging my limiting beliefs: we all have doubts, fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams. I had a hard time finishing tennis matches for instance. 

My suggestion for when to hire such a coach: 

• for clarity
• for support/ challenge yourself
• to find your own answers
• when you have a challenging project that requires the best of you

Coaches that have helped me (links to those who are still available for life coaching sessions): 

• Sandy Sagraves
• Charles Zook
• Sophie O’Gorman
• Ronan Lafaix 

Note: my experience being coached was so positive that I decided to become certified as well. If you like, I might be able to help you for this kind of coaching. I choose to help those who are willing to get strong and liberated in their life, or achieving big things in their sport. If it’s you, let’s talk and contact me.

#2: Sophrologie/ Relaxation/ Yoga

Conscious mind 7, unconscious mind 3

Body-mind-spirit are intertwined all the time. 

You act on one, the others follow. 

I met sophrologie practitioners who helped me to relax and being better under pressure. 

Yoga and breathing in movement have helped me to be in the flow.

My suggestion for when to hire such a teacher:

• when you wish to learn the skill of relaxation
• when you want to add quality and presence into your life

Contacts:

• Vincent Berger: only in French and near Paris, teaches relaxation.

#3: Meditation

Conscious mind, unconscious mind: it depends!

I started learning to meditate at the end of my tennis career. 

I was alone in a remote tournament in Japan. 

I picked up a book. 

Followed the instructions… 

And then I realized that I was very stressed and not in harmony with myself! 

As I said earlier, starting a personal development journey often starts with pain. 

With time, meditation has helped me to make peace within, and, yes, get a liberated mind.

Nowadays it mostly helps me to be more present, grateful, and focused on what’s really important for me.

Last and not the least, Laurence Simenot (see below) taught me how to connect with my intuition.  

Many people have inaccurate ideas about meditation, such as: 

• “I can’t stop thinking”
• “I can’t meditate because I can’t seat still”
• “meditation is only for spiritual people”

If this is your case, it might be time to challenge these beliefs!

Meditation tools and teachers I have experimented: 

• Elena Foucher : my wife, specialized for those who want to start meditating. 
• Laurence Simenot: a mix of NLP coach and spiriatual guide.
• Muse: headset with meditations inside. Not good for the EMF, good for focus.
  

#4: Psychologist

Conscious mind 6, unconscious mind 4

Following the recommendation of my NLP coach, I did see a psychologist when I was 21 to further liberate myself. 

During one year I mostly worked on and improved my relationship with my dad. At the end of it, I was full of compassion, for myself and for him. 

And since then, my relationship went from very judgmental to quite loving and accepting. 

Hint: what we don’t like in others is what we don’t like within ourselves…

My suggestion for when to hire a psychologist:

• when you need to talk so that you get it out and get clear in the process.
• when you would like to work on a specific issue in your life.

Note: I don’t advocate seeing psychologists any other time, even if you’ve had trauma. 

–> Life coach/ NLP coach possess more powerful tools to go from a point A to point B if you have a specific project in mind. 

–> The drawback of seeing a psychologist for too long is that we keep talking about what does not work vs where we would like to go. Therefore, once an issue is understood and clarity is here, I suggest moving on with a coach. 

–> As for traumas, healers (see below) are more powerful for, well, healing.

And of course, if you feel that such therapist does help you for your trauma, then it’s perfect for you!

Psychologist contacts: 

I don’t have any at this moment. I suggest to have a first appointment. If you like him/ her, keep going. If not, move on to the next one. 

On the other hand, I recommend listening to Gabor Mate with the following video, talking about the root causes of our addictions.

#5: EMDR

Conscious mind: 4 Unconscious Mind: 6

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. 

Another horrible name (life coach and NLP, we can clearly do better guys!), this technique is VERY powerful to deal with emotions that are quite strong. 

In a very short time, you can stop being put off balance when you think or face a triggering event. 

At least, this has been my experience when I saw Corinne in summer 2017. 

At that time, my wife and I were talking about moving to France (we were based in Hong Kong). For her, it was a childhood dream coming true (she’s American). 

For me, not the same deal: 10 years earlier I left France because I could not stand the lack of freedom, the speed limit radars and the bureaucracy (yes, you are allowed to laugh). 

In one session, I went from “I’m going to punch them all” to a neutral emotion.

The situation outside of me didn’t change. In fact, it get worse. I did change.

And then we moved to France.

My suggestion for when to hire an EMDR therapist: 

• when you have an emotion you have a hard time to deal with. 
• it could be a specific fear like spiders or height.

EMDR therapist contact: 

– Corinne Capaldi (only in French)

#6: Theta healing. 

Conscious mind 2, unconscious mind 8. 

Theta healing’s goal is to change your energy and reprogram your unconscious mind. If you are ready, this is among the most powerful techniques to transform yourself that I know.

I have used a theta healer therapist, Shannon, in the midst of the biggest crisis of my life, feeling lonely, depressed and helpless at that time. 

To say that my life has completely changed since then is an understatement, and it started with these very powerful sessions. 

In short: your life depends on your energy vibration, and Theta Healing changes you from the inside out.

My suggestion for when to hire a Theta Healer: 

• when you are ready to change your life and take full responsibility.

Theta Healer contact: 

– Shanon O’ Flaherty: Shannon is full of love, she’s wild, she’s wise, and quite powerful. Highly recommend her…when you’re ready!

#7 Kinesiology (not to be confused with Applied Kinesiology). 

Conscious mind 5, unconscious mind 8.

Depending of the practitioner, it could be as powerful as Theta healing in my experience. I’ve realised that some of these therapists are more rational and others more spiritually oriented. 

My favourite one has helped me to allow myself to be as successful as I could be, finally!

Suggestion for when to hire them: 

– same as Theta healing, when you want to change something deep or bothering in your life

Kinesiology practitioners I have experienced: 

• Antoinette Rozan
• Brett Scott

#8 Hypnosis: 

Conscious Mind: 3 Unconscious Mind: 8

This is also a very powerful tool, especially to change habits and reprogram yourself in a different way. 

In the first part of the session, you are typically talking and doing your best to find out the roots of your issue. 

In the second part, hypnosis is here to reprogram this scecific pathway.

What’s fascinating to me at this moment, is that I can’t remember for what reason I went to see him! 

Well, this means that whatever this issue was, it doesn’t bother me anymore!

Suggestion for when to hire them: 

• when you want to reprogram something that bothers you. 
• phobias
• addictions

Hypnotherapist I’ve experienced: 

• Frederick Stander: also a very powerful person to meet only when you feel ready for your life to change in big ways. 

#9: Energy healers

Conscious mind: 0 Unconscious Mind: 10

I have seen many energy healers in my life. 

They connect with our energy fields and help restore the leakages. If this sounds too weird for you, then it is not for you!

Yet, if you who do not wish to talk, it is a perfect solution to transform. 

At the end of the session, depending on the person and your preference, he/ she might share with you what they found out. 

Some healers are able to heal organs and diseases, though they would tell you they are not really doing it. 

Personally, I did prefer Theta healing and kinesiology because I like to talk and focus on what I like to change. Having said this, I’ve heard people who liberated themselves with this kind of practitioners. 

These kinds of practitioners can be the ones who help you liberate yourself…if you feel called by it. It could feel too weird , too esoteric for you. Fine. In this case, I would recommend the techniques above in the list!

Suggestion for when to hire an Energy Healer: 

• when you want to change and don’t know where to start
• when you have a trauma to heal

Energy healer: 

– I prefer not recommending any at this moment. 

#10: Bonus: Self Mastery course

Conscious Mind: 7 Unconscious Mind: 3 Spiritual: 10

This is a special category that could be relevant to some of you.

My best friend Diane, oracle, is linked to another friend, Megan, a powerful spiritual psychologist. 

They are helping people to recognise their “blueprints”, meaning what you are here to do on this planet in this particular life time. 

In other words, how to become the best version of yourself. 

This is, I believe, only for spiritually oriented people. 

Note: I have not done the mastery course. On the other hand, my wife and I have shared a flat with Diane for 4 years in Hong Kong, and traveled with Diane and Megan around the globe at the beginning of this project. 

They intend to change the world, helping people to change in the most positive ways. 

Suggestion for when to do the Mastery Course:

• you have some experience meditating
• you wish to fully understand who you are
• you are committed to become the best version of yourself 
• I also recommend you listen to their podcast first, so you have a sense of what you will get

Learn more here.

Conclusion

“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none by ourselves can free your mind.” Bob Marley

Reclaiming your highest potential requires courage. 

The courage to look within. To have this raw awareness and honesty in order to tell: “ok, I can do better and there is something I need to change. I choose to change.”

When you do this first step, taking FULL responsibility, something too few people on this planet do, change will come. 

There is a saying “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. 

The good news: there are solutions, with many great and powerful practitioners ready to help. And if you don’t get the results you wish with the first one you see, there is another one, and then another one. 

I’ve seen people giving up, before seeing the first one, or after their first, second or third attempt. 

In my view they hold very hard the belief “nobody can help me”. 

If this is your case, this particular belief is the first one to change! Ask yourself “what is the benefit for keeping this belief” and you’ll understand something about yourself. 

Then I encourage you to go on.

Dare to start where you are. 

Then dare to keep going. 

Remove the brakes. 

Go beyond your (self) limitations. 

Don’t accept mediocrity. 

Enjoy your life, developing the best version of yourself!